It’s been a very long time since I have written something about my separation anxiety – which was in the end the reason I started my previous blog after all. The 1st update was in july 2017. How am I now?
Honestly I have never been better! When I think back at those times of 3,5 years ago, it feels so surreal! Like it is not even the same person anymore. Really, I was a wreck with and because of my ex(es).
My last ex really fucked me up good. I was really in love with him and he played some nasty mind tricks on me. He would pull me closer and then push me away again (figuratively speaking) so I would be chasing him like a puppy. I was literally sick to my stomach every time we had to say goodbye.
In the beginning of the relationship with Vittorio, I still suffered from it. I could not go out and have dinner with him at a restaurant, because eating together with him made my body so upset I would get sick. We really had to build this up slowly. From eating in front of the tv (distraction) to just eating snacks in front of each other and finally dinner. He really had the patience of an angel with me!
Anyway, fast forward to about 3 years later. I haven’t written anything about this subject anymore because I basically don’t experience it anymore! We have built this fundament of trust and love that has caused such an immense peace of mind in my head that I don’t feel anxious anymore when he is away for work. Because I know he will always come home, to me.
It took A LOT of patience from Vittorio’s side (although he will probably deny it) but it really helped me grow as a person and in this relationship. I came to realise this is actually the first “adult” relationship that I ever had. There is no abuse in any kind of way, we don’t yell at each other when we fight, we don’t play games. We love and respect each other, we talk about our disagreements and we try to make each other happy.
Who knew it could be that simple? 🙂
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