In about two weeks I will be living in Amsterdam for one year. One beautiful year, where I moved in with my boyfriend and started working at Travix. And even though I love my boyfriend, I have to say living together is harder than I thought…
I knew upfront it would be a challenge to put 2 different people from 2 different backgrounds and with different personalities in 1 house. There´s always some adaptation needed. “There is no settling down without some settling for”, like I said in a previous post.
The first weeks/months you are trying to find a balance that fits both of you. What time do we eat – who is cooking – who is clearing the dishwasher – who is doing the grocery shopping – do we clean together or not – when is your sleeping time – when do you get up…. So far so good.
You enjoy the time you get to spend together and everything is just one big pink cloud. But then… you start to see each other´s imperfections. In my case, I started noticing how my boyfriend leaves his clothes basically where he takes them off. In the bathroom. After he cooked, all the kitchen devices he used are still there – plugged in. Oh and also all the empy packaging. It´s just lying there on the counter. His dirty plate after he eats? He puts it in the sink (we have a dishwasher).
I still give him remarks about these things every now and then, but I also know it´s much easier if I just put his clothes in the basket, clear the kitchen and clear in the dishwasher. And do the laundry. And the ironing. And hang up the washed clothes to dry.
When I come home from work, there´s usually some things to do in the house. I get off work around 5.15pm. I stop at the grocey store and buy stuff for dinner. I come home and clear out the dishwasher – or put in a machine of laundry (or take one out). I vacuum. It happens that I have to iron during the week. By the time my boyfriend is done (around 6.30), I have usually been running around and getting things done.
When he comes home, he drops himself on the couch and starts playing a Tank Wars game on his iPad. This is his way of relaxing and unwinding from the day and I happily let him. We start cooking around 7.30 so we can eat around 8. After dinner, he drops again on the couch for his game. I usually do my round of social media and scrolling online. Finally, we watch a series.
During weekends, the time spent on the iPad from his side significantly increases. Up to 3h of playing per day easily, I would say. I´m usually the one dragging him out or getting annoyed because he is playing again. Also tonight. We finished eating – he goes to the couch to play (note that before cooking dinner he also had been playing for an hour or something).
I was clearing out the washing machine and found a white shirt of his that I had never seen before, with a blue coffee cup on it. Since we had been discussing work dresscode all weekend, and he works in the coffee industry I wanted to share with him it would be funny if he wore that shirt to work the day after. I approached him, but he was – surprise – gaming. I sat down next to him to wait until the match was over.
“What is it?” Nothing, I just want to show you something. “Amore, you sitting here watching me is not really helping”. It´s not like I´m judging you, I am just waiting for the match to be over.
The match is over after he is killed so he turns to me – agitated – and says “ok, so what do you want to show me?” I showed him the shirt. “THIS is what you wanted to show me?” Well yes, I just found it in the laundry and thought it would be funny if you would wear it to work tomorrow. “I thought you wanted to show something important. But no thanks amore”.
Ok. 10 minutes later – after I finish hanging out the laundry and getting more pissed off about his attitude – he calls me: “Amore, I am ready to start watching the series.”
I smile and say: oh sorry amore, maybe tomorrow? There is a blog I want to write. I dissapear to my office room and he follows me, confused. “What do you mean, I thought we said during dinner to watch the series tonight?”
I replied: is it important?