When I look back on previous writings now, I am surprised by the progress I have made since then. At the beginning, I was a scared, hurt little babybird: insecure, naive and with a broken wing. Today, I feel like a nearly full-grown Phoenix and wear my coloured wings with pride.
I have a man that loves me, tells me this everyday and encourages me pursue my dreams. Take for example this blog. Ever since he knows about its existence, he has been encouraging me to write more, to develop this blog onto a platform.
What in me changed?
I felt loved, supported an encouraged. This boosted my confidence and feeling of self worth. I slowly started to feel more creative, empowered and calm as ever. For the first time in years, I was no longer scared of my boyfriend going out of town for a few days, because I knew he would come home to me.
What helped against the separation anxiety?
Consistency. Not hearing “I love you” one day, and “I have to think about it” the other.
Persistency. Some days I wouldn’t let him love me. I felt scared and insecure and acted immature. He always kept (and keeps) coming back to me to cuddle. Even when I push(ed) him away.
Patience. Quite the opposite, but what I mean is that he treats me with satin gloves and his everlasting patience. Never did he ever snap at me or made a hurtful sarcastic comment with hurtful intentions. I asked him once how he is able to stay so sweet, even when I am a bitch. “I just remind myself how much I love you again and that this moment will pass”.
Attention. The last but definitely not the least. I would say this is even one of the most important ones. I need a lot of attention. Hell, I love attention. (From my boyfriend – not when I have to give a presentation at work). When I ask for attention: he gives it to me. Read well: he’s still a man. So unless you ask for it, you won’t get it. Lucky for me, he is also very cuddly and sweet, so when I told him at the beginning of our relationship that I needed a lot of attention, it was not a difficult task for him at all.
What doesn’t help?
Repeatedly “joking”. Everyone has some insecurities. So do I. I don’t like my upper legs because I think they are too heavy. I also wish my boobs were a size bigger. My 2nd toe is larger than my big toe and I don’t like how it looks. I hate my chin because it sticks out too much. I would not have minded having blue or green eyes. – Ok, for the rest, I feel pretty good about myself. But if you know I feel insecure, don’t go call me a fat whale every time we are teasing each other. Ok, you may mean no harm and we are just joking around but after 5 times I start to feel insecure.
Well, that was the follow-up part 1! To be continued.