Tonight we watched a movie together called “Perfect Strangers” or “i perfetti sconosciuti” in Italian. Afterwards, we were both a bit blown away by it. We agreed it was the best movie we both had seen in months.
3 married couples and 1 friend who just started dating someone get together for a dinner. One of the wives suggests it would be a nice game to put all the cellphones out on the open on the table. Every incoming text, call or e-mail is read and answered out loud. After all, they don’t have secrets for each other, right?
The movie put me to thinking. Do we all have our dirty little secrets? Things we prefer not to tell our partner? It can be the “smaller” things like seeing a therapist without your partner knowing. Or the biggest things, like screwing your partner’s best friend. How well do we know each other really? And should our phone really be off-limits for our partners if we have nothing to hide?
I believe that in a healthy relationship both partners should be able to put their phones on the table every night, and whenever a phone receives a notification of something, both partners should be able to watch. No secrecy, no my-phone-my-privacy. In my opinion, a respectful relationship is all about transparency. It doesn’t mean you should check your partner’s phone every minute, but it’s about knowing that you can.
After all, there’s nothing more scary than living with your partner for a while, and then discovering that you don’t know that person so well after all…
If he/she is the one you want to spend your life with, you should also be sharing all of it. Not just parts you want them to see. Sure, after many years of marriage/relationship I can imagine there is a certain routine. Falling in love with someone else can happen, it only makes you mortal. The thing is: how do you respond to it? You don’t. If you think the grass is greener on the other side, you should worry about fertilizing your own grass.
There is no excuse for sending naked/explicit pictures to a random person on Facebook, or having an affair with a colleague because it’s so fresh and exciting. No excuse for getting sexy pictures from a sexy friend or ex. You are responsible for your own actions. Only you. The choice is yours: Full Transparancy or Perfetti Sconosciuti?